Healing

Credit LDS Media Library
Jesus saith unto him,
wilt thou be made whole?
(John 5:6)

Physical Wholeness (Part Two)

Beginning on July 1, I started participating in a Family Healthy Living project with my husband and daughter.

The project focuses on four areas on physical wholeness:

Sleep
Movement
Eating Right
Drinking Right

Except for October, which I ended taking off from the project, I have been encouraged by my efforts in these areas.

Sleep is an on-going issue in my life. I do not do well when I don't get enough sleep, but I'm constantly feeling sleep-deprived. Part of this is a result of the fact that I'm a night person but need to be at work at a fairly early hour. Trying to get myself into bed early is hard, but I've making progress toward getting close to seven hours of sleep each night.

I ran a 5K on Independence Day and was pleased by my efforts, so I wanted to make another goal that would stretch me over the remainder of the summer. Talking it over with my husband, we decided that we'd climb Sunset Peak on Labor Day. It's not a particularly long hike, but it's quite steep, so I prepared by doing incline miles on the treadmill at the gym. The hike ended up being quite a challenge — but I did it! Now I have a time goal for an upcoming Turkey Trot 5K, and I'm looking forward to some hiking in Utah's National Parks next May.

Eating right has meant mostly eliminating candy (most notably from the candy bowl at work) and eating more fruits and vegetables. I'll keep working on this!

I'm not a big fan of drinking copious amounts of water, but I've been getting additional water every day and limiting the amount of Diet Coke I drink. I'm definitely not looking to eliminate my Diet Coke, but I do feel better with improved hydration.

Beginning tomorrow I'm focusing again on Family Healthy Living!

Physical Wholeness (Part One)

Early this year I had an appointment with my primary medical care provider at which we discussed surgical solutions to two on-going physical difficulties. Leaving that discussion with concrete plans to address these problems, I had an overwhelming sense of healing — even though nothing had yet been done.

I ended up having the first surgery in early March, despite my pressing workload at the office. The surgery itself could not have proceeded any better, with me leaving work a few hours early one day and returning to work less than twenty-four hours later with nearly no pain. The results, while not perfect, have made a profound positive difference in my life over the past eight months. I'm definitely more "whole" because of the procedure!

I am scheduled for the second of the surgeries on Thursday, November 16. I am hopeful that this procedure will also bring greater "wholeness" to my life. I'm planning to take at least two days off work, with up to three more tentatively reserved as sick days. Since those days will be followed by the Thanksgiving holiday, I have up to ten days available for healing before returning to work. According to the surgeon, complete recovery will take until around the New Year, but I'm looking forward to being more physically whole in 2018!

Abundance

Credit LDS Media Library
I am come that they might have life,
and that they might have it
more abundantly (John 10:10).

One-Sentence Journal Entry

Today was the kind of day that helps me feel "whole" — beautiful weather, time spent with family, activities I enjoy (including a visit to an art museum and a slow run on a trail near our home), food I like to eat, and a nap.

I Can Do Hard Things

(Click to enlarge.)
The View from 10,600'
Sunset Peak, Utah.
© Alison Walker 2017.

Creating a Playlist

One of the things I wanted to do to help me as I worked toward becoming #WholeIn2017 was a playlist that would inspire, motivate, even comfort me in my efforts. Among the eclectic collection of twenty-seven songs I chose are the following:

• "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy
• "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park
• "Here Right Now" from Ghost - The Musical
• "Red Sea Road" by Ellie Holcomb
• "Brave" by Sara Bareilles
• "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter
• "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)" by BYU Noteworthy
• "Raise You Up / Just Be" from Kinky Boots
• "Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah McLachlan
• "Good Good Father" by Chris Tomlin

In one way or another, each of these songs helps me feel more whole!

Near the end of 2016, in conjunction with both Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign and my attendance at BYU women's basketball games, I became familiar with the one song that I chose as my "theme song" for 2017. Recorded by American singer and songwriter Rachel Platten and released in February 2015, "Fight Song" caught my attention with its powerful lyrics as well as its mesmerizing rhythms. In particular, I love the chorus of the song:

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

According to Wikipedia, Rachel Platten said, "'Fight Song' was inspired by a lot of experiences that were hurting me and that were making me feel like maybe I didn’t have a chance in this industry. I wrote it because I needed to remind myself that I believed in myself. No matter what, I still was gonna make music, even if it was on a small scale. Even if it was just for me."

Whole

Credit LDS Media Library
Daughter, be of good comfort:
thy faith hath made thee whole;
go in peace (Luke 8:48).

A Good Question

Yellowstone Lake
July 2017.

© Alison Walker 2017.

Whispers of Rest by Bonnie GrayA Book Review

Whispers of Rest was exactly what I needed this year! Gentle reminders of God's love for me, affirmed by daily one-word prayers; meaningful quotations and insightful interpretations of passages of scripture; and practical ways to have more rest, peace, and happiness in my life — all these are part of Bonnie Gray's "life-giving, forty-day devotional detox for [my] soul."

For a long time I had a love-hate relationship with the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. The following insight from Bonnie Gray affirms the okay-ness of my Martha-ness, while providing the loving reason Jesus corrected her:

Jesus didn't love Martha for what she could do for Him. He wanted her to receive everything He longed to give her — Himself.

Pursuing rest is probably an oxymoronic phrase, but that has been one of my tasks in becoming #Wholein2017. I'm holding on to Jesus's promise to give me rest (see Matthew 11:28-30)!

Notice Jesus doesn't say, "Come to me strong, cheerful, without worries." We're invited to come to Him weary — whether confused, numb, anxious, angry, or stressed. Jesus tells us to simply come. Imperfectly His. As we are.

For a good part of 2015 and 2016, I felt as though I were in a desert place. I love the image, instead, of being well-watered (see Jeremiah 17:8 and D&C 97:9).

Joy may feel selfish, but it isn't. ... The truth is, a well-loved woman who chooses joy will naturally bless others, like a river being filled by refreshing spring rain.

One of the personal commandments of my on-going happiness project is Be still. I love the definition Bonnie gives of that phrase:

The Hebrew word translated "Be still" [in Psalm 46:10] literally means "Let go of your grip."

As I've started to think about my goals for 2018, a re-read of Whispers of Rest seems to be a likely project!

Disclosure: As a member of the book launch team, I received a complimentary copy of Whispers of Rest. All opinions are mine.

The Voice of God

"When things are too crazy, the only voices I hear are the voices of fear and shame. I stop being able to hear the voice of God,the voice of rest, the voice of hope and healing and restoration, the voice that gives new life to dry old bones.

"The voice of God invites us to full, whole living—to rest, to abundance, to enough. To say no. To say no more. To say I'm going to choose to live wholly and completely in the present, even though this ragged, run-down person I am right now is so far from perfect."

— Shauna Niequist

Zerrissenheit

One morning late last year, I was thinking about ideas for my 2017 One Little Word my commute. I already had an concept in mind but hadn't settled on a specific word, and I was sorting through a lot of mental file folders for help to decide.

Out of nowhere, the phrase torn-to-pieces-hood came into my mind, with the recollection that there was a German word for that concept. My teenage son was still in the car with me, as we hadn't yet reached his school, so I asked him to Google it. He was skeptical that there was such a thing — but he quickly discovered the word Zerrissenheit!

It wasn't until a week or so later that I realized that I'd learned about Zerrissenheit from one of my all-time favorite books, Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh — a re-read of which I had coincidentally (or not-so-coincidentally) already put on my 2017 project list.

I finished that re-read on July 4, and this is the review I posted on goodreads:

Gift from the Sea is one of the few books I've read multiple times. From my early twenties — when, as a recent college graduate living on my own in Los Angeles, I received a copy of the book from my mom — to the present — where my husband and I will soon become "empty nesters" when our son starts college this fall, I've always found relevance and wisdom in Anne Morrow Lindbergh's words. I continue to be amazed that what she wrote in 1955 applies to my life today!

Torn-to-pieces-hood, of course, is the antithesis of what I've been seeking during 2017! But it describes well the fragmentation I often feel. The sense of being a sweater that is being systematically unraveled is not one that is new to me — but as we approached the end of 2016, I was definitely feeling the need to find a way to reverse the process of coming apart at the seams.

In Gift from the Sea, Lindbergh asserts that wholeness is not to be found in "more accumulations which supposedly simplify life but actually burden it, more possessions which we have not time to use or appreciate, more diversions to fill up the void."

[We] cannot live perpetually in Zerrissenheit. ... On the contrary, [we] must consciously encourage those pursuits which oppose the centrifugal forces of today. Quiet time alone, contemplation, prayer, music, a centering line of thought or reading, of study or work. It can be physical or intellectual or artistic, any creative life proceeding from oneself. It need not be an enormous project or a great work. But it should be something of one's own. ... What matters is that one be for a time inwardly attentive.

I will need to practice this centering process for a long time before I become proficient at it — but for now, every intentional pause in my day, every bit of quiet time I schedule into my week, every conscious effort I make to create, every deliberate rejection of mindless distraction will help me become whole.

Reference
Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Gift from the Sea, Twentieth Anniversary Edition. New York: Vintage Books, 1975.

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did — as I do most days — was check my iPhone for texts from my college-aged kids. At 6:23 my 18-year-old son Jonathan and my husband Dan had had this conversation:

Every morning, it seems, there is more bad news. A hurricane. An earthquake. The testing of a nuclear bomb. Another hurricane, and another. The suicide of a co-worker's teenage son. The deadliest mass shooting in recent history.

Sometimes it is hard to have hope, and when my heart is breaking, it's hard for me to feel whole.

What is the antidote? Where do I find peace amid the turmoil?

---

Credit LDS Media Library
Where Can I Turn for Peace?
Emma Lou Thayne (1924-2014)

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

Beloved poet Emma Lou Thayne wrote the text for this hymn during a troubled time in her family, with a daughter struggling with mental illness and physical health problems of her own, on top of the daily challenges of leading busy lives.

Who, who can understand? He, only One.

Jesus is the source of wholeness. He is my hope!

My One Little Word for 2017

(Click to enlarge.)
Inside the Spiral Jetty
Near the Great Salt Lake, Utah.
(Read about this work of art here.)
© Dan Kaseda 2014.

whole
hōl/

adjective : whole

1. all of; entire.

synonyms: entire, complete, full, unabridged, uncut
antonym: incomplete

2. in an unbroken or undamaged state; in one piece.

synonyms: in one piece, unbroken; undamaged, unmarked, perfect

3. (of milk, blood, or other substances) with no part removed.

4. healthy.

noun : whole

1. a thing that is complete in itself.

synonyms: entity, unit, body, discrete item, ensemble

2. all of something.

synonyms: all, every part, the lot, the sum, the sum total, the entirety

The Parable of the Pillow

When I left for college at age eighteen, I took with me a thick foam pillow I inherited from my grandmother. This pillow saw me through Ricks College and the BYU Marriott School of Management. After graduation, it accompanied me to Los Angeles and, a couple of years later, into my marriage. When my husband’s work brought our then family of three to Salt Lake City, my pillow came too.

At some point over the several years that followed, my foam pillow started to fall apart. At first I’d occasionally notice a tiny bit of foam in my bed when I woke up in the morning. Before long, though, the pieces got larger, and they were appearing more frequently. Sadly, I started contemplating life without my pillow.

I’d never purchased a pillow, but for some reason my expectation was that such a purchase was outside of what my budget would allow.

One day, while shopping at Target, I decided to look at pillows. To my amazement, I discovered that I could replace my worn-out pillow for less than $10 - and I could obtain an even better pillow for about $20. I couldn’t believe it!

I quickly placed a “new and improved” thick, firm pillow in my shopping cart, and my old pillow ended up in the trash can.

Even as it happened, this experience seemed to me to have the essence of a parable, but at the time I didn’t know what "the parable of the pillow" meant.

Recently, though, have I come to see the experience through the lens of Yes.

Sometimes what we want — or even what we really need — is available to us at little cost.

Sometimes something of worth doesn’t require a lot of money, time, or effort.

Sometimes we just need to put what we've desired into our figurative shopping cart and take it home.

A Joyful Day

One morning last spring I woke up in a gorgeous mountain setting. The beautiful blue sky held the promise of goodness, and the glorious sunshine invited joy. Almost immediately the words of Psalm 118:24 came to mind, and I was glad.

The trick, though, is learning to feel this same gladness when I wake up on a Monday morning to a rainstorm that will certainly lengthen my commute, or when I wake up to a gloomy day that promises only long hours of below-freezing temperatures. Harder still is waking up not fully rested, struggling with a cold or with lingering memories of disturbing dreams.

"This is the day which the Lord hath made." Still a true statement.

Will I make the choice to feel joy despite the circumstances?

Light of the World

Last Friday, en route to the Utah Shakespeare Festival for Fall Break, my husband, our son, my mom, and I stopped by the newly opened Light of the World Garden. It was an amazing experience!

Be Thou Clean (Matthew 8:1-4).

One Thing is Needful (Luke 10:38-42).

Lazarus, Come Forth (John 11:1-44).

Because of Love (Mark 15 and John 12:23-50).

Reach in Faith (John 20:24-31).
Note: I took these photographs during our visit. For professional images, go here.
The founder and sculptor of the Light of the World Garden is Angela Johnson. Right after the garden opened, I read a newspaper article about its conception and development. I was particularly interested in the sculptor's background:

Johnson's career as a sculptor and later her vision of the garden came about in a unique way. After vigorously pursuing a dream to become a prima donna of the Metropolitan Opera for many years, Johnson realized with finality in 1997 that it would never happen. Instead, she felt inspired to go to an art supply store, where she bought a block of water-based clay and a sculpting tool. Within hours she had created a bust of a little girl. Thus began her journey as a sculptor, she said.

Sometimes it's hard to leave one dream behind to say a big Yes to something else. This incredible garden exists only because Johnson was willing to do just that!

Living Redemption

The Provo City Center Temple — the 150th temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), located in downtown Provo, Utah — has an interesting history.

From 1898 to 2010, the Provo Tabernacle served as a multipurpose religious meeting place and community center. Then, in December 2010, a four-alarm fire gutted the interior of the historic building.

In the words of Linda S. Reeves, a leader of the LDS Church's worldwide women's organization:

[The building's] loss was deemed a great tragedy by both the community and Church members. Many wondered, “Why did the Lord let this happen? Surely He could have prevented the fire or stopped its destruction.”

Ten months later, during the October 2011 general conference, there was an audible gasp when President Thomas S. Monson announced that the nearly destroyed tabernacle was to become a holy temple — a house of the Lord!

Suddenly we could see what the Lord had always known! He didn’t cause the fire, but He allowed the fire to strip away the interior. He saw the tabernacle as a magnificent temple.

This magnificent temple, which my husband, son, and I were able to tour in February, was dedicated on Sunday, March 20, and we were blessed to attend that service. As I sat waiting for the dedication to begin, I read from Shauna Niequist's Savor, the daily devotional book I'm reading this year.

The scripture for March 20 was Isaiah 43:19:

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Shauna's words seemed to have been written just for the occasion:

This is what I know: God can make something beautiful out of anything, out of darkness and trash and broken bones. He can shine light into the blackest night, and He leaves glimpses of hope all around us.

Provo City Center Temple, February 2016.
© Alison Walker 2016
The theme for my annual women's retreat this year was Living Redemption. On the first night of the retreat, each of us shared a definition or experience or quote about what redemption means to us. I shared Shauna's words and the circumstance in which I'd read them, because this is what I know — God can make something beautiful out of anything!

This Far

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll start this post by indicating that it's backdated. Tonight is actually October 29, and it's been six days since I've posted for #Write31Days. After twenty-three days of posting every day, I hit an incredibly busy week at work coupled with a level of fatigue I haven't experienced in a while. Something had to go — actually several somethings — and writing was one of them.

My teenage son Jonathan, who is a senior in high school pursuing an International Baccalaureate (IB) Diploma, had his own extremely busy week, what with end-of-quarter assignments, service hours for National Honor Society, college applications, and putting together a costume for the Halloween dance.

(Tangentially, didn't the costume turn out great?!)

Woodstock and Snoopy.
© Alison Walker 2016
One morning this week, as we were hurriedly gathering our belongings so we could get out the door and on the way to school and work, Jon told me about his current mantra, the thing that's keeping him going during this final stretch of high school.

Those words?

I didn't come this far to only come this far.

This seems like a good mantra for me too, something that's going to keep me going for a while, the thing that brought me back to #Write31Days when it would have been easy to just be done.

I'm saying Yes to perseverance!

All Things New

Last year for Advent, my family and I prepared our hearts for Christmas with a study from She Reads Truth titled "Born is the King." (You can find it here.) The entire study is beautiful, but one Bible verse in particular settled itself in my heart.

I'd read, even studied Revelation 21:5 before, but this time it meant something more — and ten months later, it continues to fill me with all the hope and joy and peace that I find in Jesus. It seems to embody all of the Yeses that matter most.

I especially like the way the verse is worded in the HCSB:

"Look! I am making everything new."

© Alison Walker 2016