Where Can I Turn for Peace?

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did — as I do most days — was check my iPhone for texts from my college-aged kids. At 6:23 my 18-year-old son Jonathan and my husband Dan had had this conversation:

Every morning, it seems, there is more bad news. A hurricane. An earthquake. The testing of a nuclear bomb. Another hurricane, and another. The suicide of a co-worker's teenage son. The deadliest mass shooting in recent history.

Sometimes it is hard to have hope, and when my heart is breaking, it's hard for me to feel whole.

What is the antidote? Where do I find peace amid the turmoil?

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Credit LDS Media Library
Where Can I Turn for Peace?
Emma Lou Thayne (1924-2014)

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

Beloved poet Emma Lou Thayne wrote the text for this hymn during a troubled time in her family, with a daughter struggling with mental illness and physical health problems of her own, on top of the daily challenges of leading busy lives.

Who, who can understand? He, only One.

Jesus is the source of wholeness. He is my hope!

Invigilation as Spiritual Discipline?

All three of my children have participated in the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme in high school. As part of my responsibilities as a parent volunteer, I have spent a number of hours over the years invigilating. (Go head and look it up!)

This afternoon I was one of two invigilators for Spanish examinations. Although I have always put my cell phone away during the exams I've been assigned to oversee, this time the program coordinator specifically requested that we do so. I'm sure she made the request so that we could more effectively fulfill our responsibility — which literally, from the Latin verb vigilare, was "to stay awake."

What this meant is that I had over two hours during which I did almost nothing besides stand or sit or pace in a quiet room with only my thoughts to keep me company.

We live in an age when it's nearly impossible to find anyone waiting in line at the grocery store or sitting in a doctor's waiting room without a smart phone to occupy their hands and minds. I even find myself reaching for my iPhone at stop lights. Checking text messages and email might be productive use of our time, and the Kindle app can both inform and entertain. But just how beneficial is "just one more game" of Threes or mindless scrolling through Facebook?

Forced to "be still" (Psalm 46:10) this afternoon, I first prayed for each of the test-takers — that they would be able to do their best, that they would take the opportunity seriously, and that they would each be a contributor to a better world as they grow into adults. For a brief time, I tried to clear my mind and focus on my breathing, but mostly I let my mind wander through my current goals and hopes and desires — books I want to read, trips I'd like to take, words I'd like to write. I also counted the weeks between my son's graduation and his entrance to the university and considered what I'd like his summer break to be.

A list-maker and calendar-keeper by nature, I rarely just think about things without writing them down. I'm a big believer in the power of records, including journaling about impressions from the Holy Spirit. But today — as during my prior experiences as an invigilator — I felt the benefits of simply pondering in the stillness and being open to personal revelation.

Quote of the Day

"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go."

~Barack Obama in 2012,
quoting Abraham Lincoln

"Give Me Patience, and Give It to Me Right Now"

I've been feeling frustrated the past few days by the lack of resolution to a situation in my life. So this afternoon I am appreciating this reminder from my friend Holly - in a form of a prayer in a blog post - to be patient and content with the present, to let go and let God.

Lord, teach me to be patient—with life, with people,and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own and to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan. Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein. Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds. Amen.

To Lift Me Up When I'm Down

"If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with supplication, that your souls may be joyful" (D&C 136:29).

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

"You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves. Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed" (D&C 123:16-17).

"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed"
(Isaiah 53:4-5).

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee" (Deuteronomy 31:6).

"Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me; And none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost. And the Father and I are one. I am in the Father and the Father in me; and inasmuch as ye have received me, ye are in me and I in you. Wherefore, I am in your midst, and I am the good shepherd, and the stone of Israel. He that buildeth upon this rock shall never fall"
(D&C 50:41-44).

"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me"
(Isaiah 49:16).

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28).

"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee" (Psalm 55:22).

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind"
(2 Timothy 1:7).

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord"
(Romans 8:35, 37-39).

"For verily I say unto you, that great things await you"
(D&C 45:62).

Resolution: Temple Worship

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (that is, a Mormon), I believe that each of the 134 currently operating temples around the world is a "House of the Lord." A temple is a sacred building; it is a place of learning, a place for making covenants to serve Jesus Christ and humankind, a place of peace, a place for quiet contemplation.

At the end of 2009, my local ecclesiastical leader (that is, my bishop) challenged the members of our congregation to spend more time in the temple in the coming year. I took that challenge seriously and determined that I would sacrifice some of my leisure time to attend the temple more frequently. A typical frequency of attendance is monthly, but that didn't seem to require the level of "sacrifice" I desired to make (despite the fact that I've not always attended even that frequently). I decided that I wanted to attend as close to weekly as my schedule would permit.

When I completed a five-year work commitment on June 30, I analyzed my temple attendance frequency for the first half of the year, computing an average of 2.3 times a month. I decided that I wanted to work toward doubling that average over the next six months. I also wanted to contemplate and incorporate into my worship some of the "suggestions of how to gain more benefit from temple attendance" from Richard G. Scott in an address he gave in April 2009 entitled "Temple Worship: The Source of Strength and Power in Times of Need." My husband and I also determined that we wanted to complete a project we'd tentatively started, inspired by a friend who was doing the same thing, to visit each of the thirteen currently operating temples in Utah during this year.

As I've attended the temple in recent months, I've concluded that this goal of increased temple attendance is much more than an attempt to comply with a challenge from my bishop or to do something "fun" with my husband. The temple truly is a place for me to follow my Personal Commandments to "be still" and to "let go and let God." I am more peaceful when I visit the temple. I feel a sense of being part of something bigger than myself. I am empowered not only to cope with the realities of day-to-day life but also to stretch, to grow, so that I can become the person that I want to be. Being in the temple makes me happy.

My on-going resolution for temple worship includes visiting the temple an average of five times each month and rotating among the various activities of the temple.