Healing

Credit LDS Media Library
Jesus saith unto him,
wilt thou be made whole?
(John 5:6)

Physical Wholeness (Part Two)

Beginning on July 1, I started participating in a Family Healthy Living project with my husband and daughter.

The project focuses on four areas on physical wholeness:

Sleep
Movement
Eating Right
Drinking Right

Except for October, which I ended taking off from the project, I have been encouraged by my efforts in these areas.

Sleep is an on-going issue in my life. I do not do well when I don't get enough sleep, but I'm constantly feeling sleep-deprived. Part of this is a result of the fact that I'm a night person but need to be at work at a fairly early hour. Trying to get myself into bed early is hard, but I've making progress toward getting close to seven hours of sleep each night.

I ran a 5K on Independence Day and was pleased by my efforts, so I wanted to make another goal that would stretch me over the remainder of the summer. Talking it over with my husband, we decided that we'd climb Sunset Peak on Labor Day. It's not a particularly long hike, but it's quite steep, so I prepared by doing incline miles on the treadmill at the gym. The hike ended up being quite a challenge — but I did it! Now I have a time goal for an upcoming Turkey Trot 5K, and I'm looking forward to some hiking in Utah's National Parks next May.

Eating right has meant mostly eliminating candy (most notably from the candy bowl at work) and eating more fruits and vegetables. I'll keep working on this!

I'm not a big fan of drinking copious amounts of water, but I've been getting additional water every day and limiting the amount of Diet Coke I drink. I'm definitely not looking to eliminate my Diet Coke, but I do feel better with improved hydration.

Beginning tomorrow I'm focusing again on Family Healthy Living!

Physical Wholeness (Part One)

Early this year I had an appointment with my primary medical care provider at which we discussed surgical solutions to two on-going physical difficulties. Leaving that discussion with concrete plans to address these problems, I had an overwhelming sense of healing — even though nothing had yet been done.

I ended up having the first surgery in early March, despite my pressing workload at the office. The surgery itself could not have proceeded any better, with me leaving work a few hours early one day and returning to work less than twenty-four hours later with nearly no pain. The results, while not perfect, have made a profound positive difference in my life over the past eight months. I'm definitely more "whole" because of the procedure!

I am scheduled for the second of the surgeries on Thursday, November 16. I am hopeful that this procedure will also bring greater "wholeness" to my life. I'm planning to take at least two days off work, with up to three more tentatively reserved as sick days. Since those days will be followed by the Thanksgiving holiday, I have up to ten days available for healing before returning to work. According to the surgeon, complete recovery will take until around the New Year, but I'm looking forward to being more physically whole in 2018!

Abundance

Credit LDS Media Library
I am come that they might have life,
and that they might have it
more abundantly (John 10:10).

One-Sentence Journal Entry

Today was the kind of day that helps me feel "whole" — beautiful weather, time spent with family, activities I enjoy (including a visit to an art museum and a slow run on a trail near our home), food I like to eat, and a nap.

I Can Do Hard Things

(Click to enlarge.)
The View from 10,600'
Sunset Peak, Utah.
© Alison Walker 2017.

Creating a Playlist

One of the things I wanted to do to help me as I worked toward becoming #WholeIn2017 was a playlist that would inspire, motivate, even comfort me in my efforts. Among the eclectic collection of twenty-seven songs I chose are the following:

• "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy
• "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park
• "Here Right Now" from Ghost - The Musical
• "Red Sea Road" by Ellie Holcomb
• "Brave" by Sara Bareilles
• "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter
• "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)" by BYU Noteworthy
• "Raise You Up / Just Be" from Kinky Boots
• "Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah McLachlan
• "Good Good Father" by Chris Tomlin

In one way or another, each of these songs helps me feel more whole!

Near the end of 2016, in conjunction with both Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign and my attendance at BYU women's basketball games, I became familiar with the one song that I chose as my "theme song" for 2017. Recorded by American singer and songwriter Rachel Platten and released in February 2015, "Fight Song" caught my attention with its powerful lyrics as well as its mesmerizing rhythms. In particular, I love the chorus of the song:

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

According to Wikipedia, Rachel Platten said, "'Fight Song' was inspired by a lot of experiences that were hurting me and that were making me feel like maybe I didn’t have a chance in this industry. I wrote it because I needed to remind myself that I believed in myself. No matter what, I still was gonna make music, even if it was on a small scale. Even if it was just for me."

Whole

Credit LDS Media Library
Daughter, be of good comfort:
thy faith hath made thee whole;
go in peace (Luke 8:48).

A Good Question

Yellowstone Lake
July 2017.

© Alison Walker 2017.

Whispers of Rest by Bonnie GrayA Book Review

Whispers of Rest was exactly what I needed this year! Gentle reminders of God's love for me, affirmed by daily one-word prayers; meaningful quotations and insightful interpretations of passages of scripture; and practical ways to have more rest, peace, and happiness in my life — all these are part of Bonnie Gray's "life-giving, forty-day devotional detox for [my] soul."

For a long time I had a love-hate relationship with the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. The following insight from Bonnie Gray affirms the okay-ness of my Martha-ness, while providing the loving reason Jesus corrected her:

Jesus didn't love Martha for what she could do for Him. He wanted her to receive everything He longed to give her — Himself.

Pursuing rest is probably an oxymoronic phrase, but that has been one of my tasks in becoming #Wholein2017. I'm holding on to Jesus's promise to give me rest (see Matthew 11:28-30)!

Notice Jesus doesn't say, "Come to me strong, cheerful, without worries." We're invited to come to Him weary — whether confused, numb, anxious, angry, or stressed. Jesus tells us to simply come. Imperfectly His. As we are.

For a good part of 2015 and 2016, I felt as though I were in a desert place. I love the image, instead, of being well-watered (see Jeremiah 17:8 and D&C 97:9).

Joy may feel selfish, but it isn't. ... The truth is, a well-loved woman who chooses joy will naturally bless others, like a river being filled by refreshing spring rain.

One of the personal commandments of my on-going happiness project is Be still. I love the definition Bonnie gives of that phrase:

The Hebrew word translated "Be still" [in Psalm 46:10] literally means "Let go of your grip."

As I've started to think about my goals for 2018, a re-read of Whispers of Rest seems to be a likely project!

Disclosure: As a member of the book launch team, I received a complimentary copy of Whispers of Rest. All opinions are mine.

The Voice of God

"When things are too crazy, the only voices I hear are the voices of fear and shame. I stop being able to hear the voice of God,the voice of rest, the voice of hope and healing and restoration, the voice that gives new life to dry old bones.

"The voice of God invites us to full, whole living—to rest, to abundance, to enough. To say no. To say no more. To say I'm going to choose to live wholly and completely in the present, even though this ragged, run-down person I am right now is so far from perfect."

— Shauna Niequist

Zerrissenheit

One morning late last year, I was thinking about ideas for my 2017 One Little Word my commute. I already had an concept in mind but hadn't settled on a specific word, and I was sorting through a lot of mental file folders for help to decide.

Out of nowhere, the phrase torn-to-pieces-hood came into my mind, with the recollection that there was a German word for that concept. My teenage son was still in the car with me, as we hadn't yet reached his school, so I asked him to Google it. He was skeptical that there was such a thing — but he quickly discovered the word Zerrissenheit!

It wasn't until a week or so later that I realized that I'd learned about Zerrissenheit from one of my all-time favorite books, Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh — a re-read of which I had coincidentally (or not-so-coincidentally) already put on my 2017 project list.

I finished that re-read on July 4, and this is the review I posted on goodreads:

Gift from the Sea is one of the few books I've read multiple times. From my early twenties — when, as a recent college graduate living on my own in Los Angeles, I received a copy of the book from my mom — to the present — where my husband and I will soon become "empty nesters" when our son starts college this fall, I've always found relevance and wisdom in Anne Morrow Lindbergh's words. I continue to be amazed that what she wrote in 1955 applies to my life today!

Torn-to-pieces-hood, of course, is the antithesis of what I've been seeking during 2017! But it describes well the fragmentation I often feel. The sense of being a sweater that is being systematically unraveled is not one that is new to me — but as we approached the end of 2016, I was definitely feeling the need to find a way to reverse the process of coming apart at the seams.

In Gift from the Sea, Lindbergh asserts that wholeness is not to be found in "more accumulations which supposedly simplify life but actually burden it, more possessions which we have not time to use or appreciate, more diversions to fill up the void."

[We] cannot live perpetually in Zerrissenheit. ... On the contrary, [we] must consciously encourage those pursuits which oppose the centrifugal forces of today. Quiet time alone, contemplation, prayer, music, a centering line of thought or reading, of study or work. It can be physical or intellectual or artistic, any creative life proceeding from oneself. It need not be an enormous project or a great work. But it should be something of one's own. ... What matters is that one be for a time inwardly attentive.

I will need to practice this centering process for a long time before I become proficient at it — but for now, every intentional pause in my day, every bit of quiet time I schedule into my week, every conscious effort I make to create, every deliberate rejection of mindless distraction will help me become whole.

Reference
Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Gift from the Sea, Twentieth Anniversary Edition. New York: Vintage Books, 1975.

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did — as I do most days — was check my iPhone for texts from my college-aged kids. At 6:23 my 18-year-old son Jonathan and my husband Dan had had this conversation:

Every morning, it seems, there is more bad news. A hurricane. An earthquake. The testing of a nuclear bomb. Another hurricane, and another. The suicide of a co-worker's teenage son. The deadliest mass shooting in recent history.

Sometimes it is hard to have hope, and when my heart is breaking, it's hard for me to feel whole.

What is the antidote? Where do I find peace amid the turmoil?

---

Credit LDS Media Library
Where Can I Turn for Peace?
Emma Lou Thayne (1924-2014)

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

Beloved poet Emma Lou Thayne wrote the text for this hymn during a troubled time in her family, with a daughter struggling with mental illness and physical health problems of her own, on top of the daily challenges of leading busy lives.

Who, who can understand? He, only One.

Jesus is the source of wholeness. He is my hope!

My One Little Word for 2017

(Click to enlarge.)
Inside the Spiral Jetty
Near the Great Salt Lake, Utah.
(Read about this work of art here.)
© Dan Kaseda 2014.

whole
hōl/

adjective : whole

1. all of; entire.

synonyms: entire, complete, full, unabridged, uncut
antonym: incomplete

2. in an unbroken or undamaged state; in one piece.

synonyms: in one piece, unbroken; undamaged, unmarked, perfect

3. (of milk, blood, or other substances) with no part removed.

4. healthy.

noun : whole

1. a thing that is complete in itself.

synonyms: entity, unit, body, discrete item, ensemble

2. all of something.

synonyms: all, every part, the lot, the sum, the sum total, the entirety

#Write31DaysAn Index of Posts

Day 1 My One Little Word for 2017

Day 2 Where Can I Turn for Peace?

Day 3 Zerrissenheit

Day 4 The Voice of God

Day 5 Whispers of Rest (A Book Review)

Day 6 A Good Question

Day 7 Whole (Luke 8:48) #SundayScripture

Day 8 Creating a Playlist

Day 9 I Can Do Hard Things

Day 10 One-Sentence Journal Entry

Day 11 Abundance (John 10:10) #SundayScripture

Day 12 Physical Wholeness (Part One)

Day 13 Physical Wholeness (Part Two)

Day 14

Day 15

Day 16

Day 17

Day 18

Day 19

Day 20

Day 21

Day 22

Day 23

Day 24

Day 25

Day 26

Day 27

Day 28

Day 29

Day 30

Day 31

Today's the Day!

#Classof2017 #HuskyPride #MyBabyIsGraduating

Invigilation as Spiritual Discipline?

All three of my children have participated in the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme in high school. As part of my responsibilities as a parent volunteer, I have spent a number of hours over the years invigilating. (Go head and look it up!)

This afternoon I was one of two invigilators for Spanish examinations. Although I have always put my cell phone away during the exams I've been assigned to oversee, this time the program coordinator specifically requested that we do so. I'm sure she made the request so that we could more effectively fulfill our responsibility — which literally, from the Latin verb vigilare, was "to stay awake."

What this meant is that I had over two hours during which I did almost nothing besides stand or sit or pace in a quiet room with only my thoughts to keep me company.

We live in an age when it's nearly impossible to find anyone waiting in line at the grocery store or sitting in a doctor's waiting room without a smart phone to occupy their hands and minds. I even find myself reaching for my iPhone at stop lights. Checking text messages and email might be productive use of our time, and the Kindle app can both inform and entertain. But just how beneficial is "just one more game" of Threes or mindless scrolling through Facebook?

Forced to "be still" (Psalm 46:10) this afternoon, I first prayed for each of the test-takers — that they would be able to do their best, that they would take the opportunity seriously, and that they would each be a contributor to a better world as they grow into adults. For a brief time, I tried to clear my mind and focus on my breathing, but mostly I let my mind wander through my current goals and hopes and desires — books I want to read, trips I'd like to take, words I'd like to write. I also counted the weeks between my son's graduation and his entrance to the university and considered what I'd like his summer break to be.

A list-maker and calendar-keeper by nature, I rarely just think about things without writing them down. I'm a big believer in the power of records, including journaling about impressions from the Holy Spirit. But today — as during my prior experiences as an invigilator — I felt the benefits of simply pondering in the stillness and being open to personal revelation.

One-Sentence Journal Entry

I have to say that I'm not a big fan of entropy — that inherent condition of our humanness, the "natural man [or woman]" (Mosiah 3:19) in us — only one difficulty of which is that even if I have a good hair day today, tomorrow can be an entirely different story, and — no matter what — before long I'm back, as I was tonight, at the hairdresser for a cut and color.

One-Sentence Journal Entry

Credit: Nate Edwards/BYU Photo
My daughter Erin, who is a junior at Brigham Young University studying neuroscience, was featured in an article on the university's website today and also got to take over their Instagram stories for the day — so I had a lot of fun sharing my #MomBrag with a bunch of family members and friends, because I'm so proud of the incredible young woman she is!

Beauty, the Beast, and Me

I became a mom for the first time in 1990 when my daughter Elisabeth was born. The following year Disney released its animated version of Beauty and the Beast.

As one might suppose, Elisabeth and I — and later my younger daughter Erin as well — watched that film on VHS dozens, if not hundreds of times over the following decade.

We were scared by the wolves.

We despised Gaston.

We wanted Belle's magnificent library for ourselves.

Before long, we knew the words to all the songs, so we sang along and sometimes even danced.

Years later, Elisabeth would play in the orchestra for her high school's production of the show.

Last night I got to revisit all those memories when my husband, our son, and I saw the new live-action adaptation of this "tale as old as time."

I loved every minute of it!


By the way, two retellings of this story that I enjoyed reading are Beauty by Robin McKinley and East by Edith Patton.

Creativity and Rest

I've been thinking about both creativity and rest for some time, especially since reading Alexandra Kuykendall's book Loving My Actual Life last year, in which Alex makes the case for, among other things, a life with more creating and more resting. (I posted a review here.)

This morning, when I opened the IF: Gathering App on my phone while getting ready for work so I could continue with the Enjoying Jesus study I'm currently doing about spiritual disciplines, creativity and rest came together again for me in the image that went along with today's reading.

I almost had to catch my breathe as I felt (again) the rightness of my desire, as a daughter of God, to be more like Him by both creating and resting.

I long for more time spent both creating and resting — and while I've yet to figure out exactly how to actually make that happen (although The 100 Day Project should help), I will continue longing.

One-Sentence Journal Entry

Making the time to write for even just a few minutes every day is going to be hard, but I'm determined to do it — even on a day when I didn't get home from the office until almost 10 o'clock and all I want to do is get some sleep (although, in the interest of full disclosure, I did sleep in a little this morning — if one can call 6am sleeping in — and take my son, who is out of school this week for the last Spring Break of his high school experience, to The Original Pancake House for breakfast before I went to work).

(For information from Gretchen Rubin about one-sentence journals, click here.)

#The100DayProject

The first quarter of 2017 has already passed, and I've still not felt that I've started the year off right. Traveling back from a holiday trip to Japan on New Year's Day, I needed to hit the ground running — but life happened.

Winter storms resulted in complications and delays during the first week of January, and during the second second I spent one day home with food poisoning and another day on pain medication from a diagnosis of sciatica. Throughout January and February I was dealing with a difficult situation at work that was straining both my physical and mental well-being and pretty much sucking the joy out of my life, and now that the difficult person has been fired but not yet replaced, I'm putting in way more hours at the office than I'd like. I'd planned to start a bullet journal in 2017, and I had other big ideas about places to go, people to see, and books to read. Instead, for the most part, I've just been trying to remember to take life one day at a time, one game at a time, one bite at a time — and to "just keep swimming."

Of course, none of this means that the past three months have been without joy, without fun, without accomplishment. It's just that I'm working too much, not sleeping enough, and neglecting many of the things that matter most to me.

With that as backdrop, I've decided that over the next 100 days I'm going to spend a little time writing every day!

Tuesday, April 4 - Wednesday, July 12
#The100DayProject